Starry Night.

I refused to get a ride from the mouse, knowing you would be there.

Rushing her into the car so I could stride swiftly, knowing you were there.

I noticed Maria but saw no figure in it, wondering where you were.

Crossed the street, eyes were still fixed on Ms. Ferrari, yet could not spot you.

As I emerged into the light, I saw no familiar faces in the lobby, wondering still.

Then I heard the giggle, an amused laughter.

It sounded so happy, perhaps because of my failure to locate you.

But little did you know, I could see you, sitting there in the dark.

I could see the smile on your face, enjoying the wondering look on my face.

Or should I say "pretending" face?

Just waiting for you to call me.

Surprising delivery indeed. And the extra gift for my face.

I loved the food.

Hunger is one thing, but I would love it the same even with a filled stomach.

You misunderstood when I said you didn't understand.

I knew what you went through before.

But I wasn't referring anything in regards with finding my hands something to do.

It was the matter of the heart.

Peaceful? Perhaps, but I would say I was charged.

I would never see starry night the same way anymore.

It could not be anymore beautiful, simply because it is already so beautiful.

Thank you for helping me to see it.

The days might be as dark as the night.

But I am glad I have someone there waiting. . .

It worked.

Mixed Feeling

Discouraged: the very harvest we have been asking for is on the chopping blocks. questions of credibility arose.
Encouraged: we are on the right track. bring it on. we are ready to fight. ready to win. lions after lions may come. fight after another. but the One who silenced the lions back then is with us. and He shall silence them again, once and for all.

The Hunger Rule

If you do not want to feel hungry, then stop eating.
Surely, in the beginning you will still feel the hunger and the craving for food.
But, give it some time and your stomach will no longer bother you.
And it seems perfectly fine as if you can survive without eating.

The same thing, if you do not want to hunger for God, then stop seeking Him.
Surely, in the beginning your soul which is created for the very purpose of having relationship with Him, will continue to long and hunger for Him.
But, give it some time and your soul will no longer bother you.
And it seems perfectly fine as if you can survive without Him.

But eventually, you will die, out of hunger.
And perhaps tragically, without knowing why anymore.
Physically or spiritually.
So, don't let your soul be deprived for the only thing that is able to sustain or satisfy it.
The more you seek Him, the more hungry for Him you'll be.
And that is the best food you can ever give to your soul.

Save Me.

I've always wondered how it would feel to hear God's voice, and I mean like audibly as if you're hearing another human being.
How would His voice sound like? Soothing? Manly? Fatherly? High pitched or perhaps low? Loud?
I wondered...

Truly, I have been living on survival mode when I should've been thriving instead.
Barely living on yesterday's manna.

I am dying. Dying. DYING.

I have replaced His first place with someone else. With other things.
Fallen. Again.

Then I woke up in the very early of morning a few days ago. In the middle of my subconscious praying, I heard His voice. A whisper.

"Here I am".

Chills went down my spine to my feet. I could barely move. Sleepiness left me at a sudden. My heart was beating so fast. My body was trembling.

I was scared.

Doubts started residing like parasites in my mind. Was that really Him? Or was it the enemy? (I really didn't want to think the latter for fear of blasphemy). But I am sure God could handle my honest feeling about it.

Today, the confirmation arrived.

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him; and he with me." Revelation Three:Twenty

It's time to let Him in. And dine with Him.

More Jesus.

The only reason why I am alive.
The only reason why I can love or know how to love.
The only reason why people matter.

Save me, Jesus from myself. I ask You for courage. The courage to put You first back again.

Thank You for knocking. Thank You for stopping by.

I heard You.

To Those Who Are Seeking Him

So many times we find ourselves crying out to God,
asking Him where He is,
telling Him that we wanted to find Him,
and we ended up disappointed when He didn't show up the way we thought He would.
Perhaps, truly perhaps, we could instead say,
"O Lord, I don't know where to find You.
Come find me."

Waiting.

Somehow it always happened that way.
Standing out in the cold,
waiting for the bus to come.
Felt like ages simply because it was ages.
My knee started to ache.
The coldness of the night started piercing through my clothing.
Shivering as I walked back and forth,
limping slightly.
An ambulance and the fire engine passed and stopped not far ahead.
People in their cars kept staring as they stopped at the traffic light,
running their eyes up and down my bundled-up weak figure.
I wondered what they were thinking.
Across the street I could see youngsters,
shuffling, rave-dancing the night with ear-thumping techno music.
I kept looking out for the bus.
Texts had stopped coming in,
and my fingers were starting to get numb.
After some time, I realized it was quiet.
The youngsters had gone.
Silence took place.
The wind was blowing South-bound.
And I stood still and whispered,
"Hi, God. I almost forgot You're right here."

Why He Left for the Missing One

If you are familiar with the Parable of the Lost Sheep, let's talk about it.
And you are just as welcome if you're not. :)
It is such a strange concept that when one sheep went missing, the shepherd would leave the 99 and searched for that one.
You would probably think that he should have just let it be, the sheep would probably be dead by now.
He still had so many to take care of.

But let's take a moment to think about this.
Sheep has the natural tendency to go close with other members of the flock, to stay within the group.
Also, sheep is so, very easily stressed when separated from their flock members.
They would panic and didn't know what to do and would probably continue to wander off.

However, studies shown that sheep can learn to recognize human voice and flock members for years.
And when trained enough, they would even learn to respond to their names (if you give them any of course).

So, back to the parable.
Knowing that your one sheep that (accidentally or not) wandered off somewhere,
was stressed out and panic and so vulnerable to be preyed upon,
wouldn't you leave all you have and look for it?

How about a different perspective.
Knowing that a beloved of yours is depressed and is isolating herself / himself,
and having the thought of ending her / his own life,
wouldn't you do all you can,
perhaps leaving whatever you're doing,
and go after her / him?

Knowing that your sheep would recognize your voice,
don't you think that there's still hope,
that just by hearing your voice,
your sheep would be comforted,
knowing that you're coming.

Would you not feel saved and loved,
when you're in your loneliness and it seems like no one cares,
someone actually notices you?
someone actually goes the distance just to find you?

Besides, the 99 still have each other.
And perhaps your shepherd dog is there to keep them together, too.

Either way, I believe the shepherd made the right call to go after the missing one.
And he found his sheep.

In the end, there were 100 again.

Matthew 18: 10-14.

Food for the ear: "You Are For Me" by Kari Jobe.
(I love especially the part where the chorus goes "I know that You will never forsake me in my weaknesses.")

The truth is we are all nothing but sheep. And I don't mean it intellectually. Just the same level of vulnerability.
And despite those who have adorned intelligence, they are not far from foolishness either.

Happy watching over others, Happy being watched over, Happy Christmas.
When Love came down to look for you.