lightgreyroom

Starry Night.

2011-04-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

I refused to get a ride from the mouse, knowing you would be there.

Rushing her into the car so I could stride swiftly, knowing you were there.

I noticed Maria but saw no figure in it, wondering where you were.

Crossed the street, eyes were still fixed on Ms. Ferrari, yet could not spot you.

As I emerged into the light, I saw no familiar faces in the lobby, wondering still.

Then I heard the giggle, an amused laughter.

It sounded so happy, perhaps because of my failure to locate you.

But little did you know, I could see you, sitting there in the dark.

I could see the smile on your face, enjoying the wondering look on my face.

Or should I say "pretending" face?

Just waiting for you to call me.

Surprising delivery indeed. And the extra gift for my face.

I loved the food.

Hunger is one thing, but I would love it the same even with a filled stomach.

You misunderstood when I said you didn't understand.

I knew what you went through before.

But I wasn't referring anything in regards with finding my hands something to do.

It was the matter of the heart.

Peaceful? Perhaps, but I would say I was charged.

I would never see starry night the same way anymore.

It could not be anymore beautiful, simply because it is already so beautiful.

Thank you for helping me to see it.

The days might be as dark as the night.

But I am glad I have someone there waiting. . .

It worked.

Mixed Feeling

2011-04-17T17:39:00.001-07:00

Discouraged: the very harvest we have been asking for is on the chopping blocks. questions of credibility arose.
Encouraged: we are on the right track. bring it on. we are ready to fight. ready to win. lions after lions may come. fight after another. but the One who silenced the lions back then is with us. and He shall silence them again, once and for all.

The Hunger Rule

2011-03-27T08:05:00.001-07:00

If you do not want to feel hungry, then stop eating.
Surely, in the beginning you will still feel the hunger and the craving for food.
But, give it some time and your stomach will no longer bother you.
And it seems perfectly fine as if you can survive without eating.

The same thing, if you do not want to hunger for God, then stop seeking Him.
Surely, in the beginning your soul which is created for the very purpose of having relationship with Him, will continue to long and hunger for Him.
But, give it some time and your soul will no longer bother you.
And it seems perfectly fine as if you can survive without Him.

But eventually, you will die, out of hunger.
And perhaps tragically, without knowing why anymore.
Physically or spiritually.
So, don't let your soul be deprived for the only thing that is able to sustain or satisfy it.
The more you seek Him, the more hungry for Him you'll be.
And that is the best food you can ever give to your soul.

Save Me.

2011-03-06T17:44:00.000-08:00

I've always wondered how it would feel to hear God's voice, and I mean like audibly as if you're hearing another human being.
How would His voice sound like? Soothing? Manly? Fatherly? High pitched or perhaps low? Loud?
I wondered...

Truly, I have been living on survival mode when I should've been thriving instead.
Barely living on yesterday's manna.

I am dying. Dying. DYING.

I have replaced His first place with someone else. With other things.
Fallen. Again.

Then I woke up in the very early of morning a few days ago. In the middle of my subconscious praying, I heard His voice. A whisper.

"Here I am".

Chills went down my spine to my feet. I could barely move. Sleepiness left me at a sudden. My heart was beating so fast. My body was trembling.

I was scared.

Doubts started residing like parasites in my mind. Was that really Him? Or was it the enemy? (I really didn't want to think the latter for fear of blasphemy). But I am sure God could handle my honest feeling about it.

Today, the confirmation arrived.

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him; and he with me." Revelation Three:Twenty

It's time to let Him in. And dine with Him.

More Jesus.

The only reason why I am alive.
The only reason why I can love or know how to love.
The only reason why people matter.

Save me, Jesus from myself. I ask You for courage. The courage to put You first back again.

Thank You for knocking. Thank You for stopping by.

I heard You.

To Those Who Are Seeking Him

2011-01-31T11:03:00.001-08:00

So many times we find ourselves crying out to God,
asking Him where He is,
telling Him that we wanted to find Him,
and we ended up disappointed when He didn't show up the way we thought He would.
Perhaps, truly perhaps, we could instead say,
"O Lord, I don't know where to find You.
Come find me."

Waiting.

2011-01-30T23:47:00.000-08:00

Somehow it always happened that way.
Standing out in the cold,
waiting for the bus to come.
Felt like ages simply because it was ages.
My knee started to ache.
The coldness of the night started piercing through my clothing.
Shivering as I walked back and forth,
limping slightly.
An ambulance and the fire engine passed and stopped not far ahead.
People in their cars kept staring as they stopped at the traffic light,
running their eyes up and down my bundled-up weak figure.
I wondered what they were thinking.
Across the street I could see youngsters,
shuffling, rave-dancing the night with ear-thumping techno music.
I kept looking out for the bus.
Texts had stopped coming in,
and my fingers were starting to get numb.
After some time, I realized it was quiet.
The youngsters had gone.
Silence took place.
The wind was blowing South-bound.
And I stood still and whispered,
"Hi, God. I almost forgot You're right here."

Why He Left for the Missing One

2010-12-09T08:57:00.000-08:00

If you are familiar with the Parable of the Lost Sheep, let's talk about it.
And you are just as welcome if you're not. :)
It is such a strange concept that when one sheep went missing, the shepherd would leave the 99 and searched for that one.
You would probably think that he should have just let it be, the sheep would probably be dead by now.
He still had so many to take care of.

But let's take a moment to think about this.
Sheep has the natural tendency to go close with other members of the flock, to stay within the group.
Also, sheep is so, very easily stressed when separated from their flock members.
They would panic and didn't know what to do and would probably continue to wander off.

However, studies shown that sheep can learn to recognize human voice and flock members for years.
And when trained enough, they would even learn to respond to their names (if you give them any of course).

So, back to the parable.
Knowing that your one sheep that (accidentally or not) wandered off somewhere,
was stressed out and panic and so vulnerable to be preyed upon,
wouldn't you leave all you have and look for it?

How about a different perspective.
Knowing that a beloved of yours is depressed and is isolating herself / himself,
and having the thought of ending her / his own life,
wouldn't you do all you can,
perhaps leaving whatever you're doing,
and go after her / him?

Knowing that your sheep would recognize your voice,
don't you think that there's still hope,
that just by hearing your voice,
your sheep would be comforted,
knowing that you're coming.

Would you not feel saved and loved,
when you're in your loneliness and it seems like no one cares,
someone actually notices you?
someone actually goes the distance just to find you?

Besides, the 99 still have each other.
And perhaps your shepherd dog is there to keep them together, too.

Either way, I believe the shepherd made the right call to go after the missing one.
And he found his sheep.

In the end, there were 100 again.

Matthew 18: 10-14.

Food for the ear: "You Are For Me" by Kari Jobe.
(I love especially the part where the chorus goes "I know that You will never forsake me in my weaknesses.")

The truth is we are all nothing but sheep. And I don't mean it intellectually. Just the same level of vulnerability.
And despite those who have adorned intelligence, they are not far from foolishness either.

Happy watching over others, Happy being watched over, Happy Christmas.
When Love came down to look for you.

I Simply Enjoy Who You Are

2010-12-08T08:30:00.000-08:00

To many surprises, I actually like watching reality shows.
Well, certain reality shows.
And if that's also part of your indulgence, you first have to know that they aren't real.
They are scripted and edited to help create that sense of drama.
But despite those, you can't help but to grow favour for some and dislike to others.
I found myself disliking some of the contestants, and giving them silent judgement in my mind.
"How could such a person even exist?" "She's so mean." and so on...

However, recently when I was watching one of my regulars, it happened to be the episode where there was no elimination.
Instead, they were rewarded by having their family members or their loved ones came over to encourage them.
And I saw them crying, hugging and smiling and it dawned on me.
That those people that I 'disliked' also have people who truly love them.
Surely, there are some loveable side of them that I have missed.

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Growing up, one of the things that I noticed from my mom is that she likes to observe her children.
I remembered one night, when all of us were in my grandmother's room watching television together, and it was showing this preview ads for a kungfu T.V. series and I imitated the main actor's pose and facial expression.
Just after doing so, I turned my head slightly to the left and looked up and saw my mom shaking her head and smiling at the same time, as if she couldn't believe that her DAUGHTER would do such an un-lady-like act.
I knew she was just enjoying that moment.
I, however, was deeply embarrassed. :)

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After that thought dawned upon me, I was so encouraged and challenged at the same time.
That the next time before I decide not to love someone, perhaps I should learn to observe from a distance and just enjoy the person for who they are, not affected by their deeds.
Surely, there's some loveable side of this person.
In fact, I have been doing that, well not for a long time.
I recalled one day, when I was upset with a friend of mine and I felt like "THAT'S IT! FROM NOW ON, I WON'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU", I took a moment (without her knowing) to just look at her for who she is, and I sensed the Holy Spirit was telling me that God loves this person, too.
How could I not choose to even try to love?

Now, looking inwardly, I don't see anything worth of God's love.
And if God chooses to love me despite for who I am or what I have done, surely that same overflowing love from Him could be poured out to others.

I am sure and convinced that God simply enjoys who you are, looking down from heaven or looking sideways to you (because He is not only up there), He can't help but to smile and even chuckled at times at you.

Let this be an encouragement to you

1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139: 1-18

Food for the ears: Amazed by Lincoln Brewster.

God is not mad at you, He is madly in love with you - D. Polus

Happy loving others, Happy receiving love, Happy Christmas, the day when Love came down for nobody else would.

Quality Time

2010-11-29T22:10:00.000-08:00

I was just browsing through my old blog posts and I was amazed of the little revelations God gave me.

I need to get back on spending more quality time with the lover of my soul.

I should.

Love

2010-11-29T21:25:00.000-08:00

As we all know, as Thanksgiving turkey flew away, Christmas came to greet us.
My church was just starting on the series of "Love Came Down", and I am buckling up my seat belt for that.
Growing up, I didn't really know the meaning of Christmas, I could only wish Santa would actually stop by my country and not only fly over the Northern Hemisphere.
I knew about baby Jesus and the manger story, but that was all I knew.

After I became a Christian, I finally knew what Christmas is all about.
Love that came down.

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Today, all I could think of was 1 Corinthians 13.
Yeap, that Scripture on what love really looks like.

Love is patient and kind.
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.
It does not demand its own way.
It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.
It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Love never fails.
(v.4-8 NLT)

Everytime I read these verses, I felt so challenged and encouraged at the same time to strive for this kind of love.
It is not easy for sure, but by His Grace and His example, sure can do :)

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Tonight at the small group / bible study, guess what we were talking about?
That's right: LOVE.

Someone mentioned about the 5 languages of love:
1. Words of affirmation.
2. Physical touch.
3. Quality time.
4. Giving gifts.
5. Act of service.

I was pretty sure that my language of love, as in if I were to show love to people it would be giving gifts and act of service, and perhaps words of affirmation. (What yours is / are?)

But tonight's discussion really challenged me to embrace the language of quality time.
It took me years or I guess all the way until tonight to realize the importance of spending time with somebody.
One of the quote mentioned: "Spending time with them gives them value".

As I sat there and pondered, it dawned on me that when you spend your time with someone, it is like showing that they worth your value, you are giving yourself to that person as a gift.
In comparison to other kinds of gifts, no matter how much they cost, it won't have the same value as 'you'.
(Of course you can definitely argue on hand-made gift that you put a lot of time and effort into, but that's not I want to focus here).

Hmm.. quality time.

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I read a blog post again today, a post that I had read many times before. "A memoir" was the title, by a petite dearest of mine.
I was surprised that it was the card that touched her the most instead of the little pink electronic box that plays music with engraving on it; and that it led her to focus on Christ in her dark moments. I LOVE THAT!

And if I were to recall, the sweet memories that I have are actually when I spent time with somebody.
One of them was going to a carnival with my little brother. I won't forget the smile he had on his face even though we didn't go on every single ride.
He said that he was very happy. :)

I love all the cards with written encouragement all over it from my dear leader, Summer in the Arctic :) (and Ally boss and Kehrol).
Thank you.

That made me missed those days when we had to say something encouraging at birthday parties. I miss ECF.

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Last and definitely not the least, in fact should be 'save the best for last',
I am really thankful how God didn't force His love on me. Patiently waiting, waiting until I opened up my heart and responded to His Love. It was because of LOVE that He gave.

You can give without loving, but you can't love without giving.

Anybody can give, in fact perhaps God is not the only one who gives. But is it out of love?

As much as I know how to love today, I knew because He first loved me. (1 john 4:19).
Without Him, I wouldn't know what love is.

Food for the ears:
Chris Tomlin's "Winter Snow".

Time to give some T-I-M-E.

Happy loving people. Happy receiving love. Happy Christmas (in advance)

:)

Happy Thanksgiving.

2010-11-26T23:54:00.001-08:00

I am so thankful and grateful up and foremost to God, my Lord, Jesus Christ for who He is, His love, grace, faithfulness, tenacious passion... you name it.
My parents for being amazing, courageous fighters for their children. Thank you pa and ma :) Love you.
My siblings, you guys are the best!
The church for being an extended family when I am away from home.
ISI for your friendship and love.
My friends despite the ups and downs, misunderstanding, looong talks, critical discussions, thank you.

I can write so many more, but ...

:)

Happy Thanksgiving.

Grace is not far off your...

2010-11-23T16:43:00.000-08:00

body.

I was watching an interview of a particular celebrity on a talk show. He was talking about his struggle with drug addictions and alcohol abuse, and the journey he went through to remain sober 'til this day.

I then went to watch one of their (he is a member of a group band) newer music video and noticed that he gained quite an obvious amount of weight. Although I am not sure what kind of treatment drug addicts went through, I heard that people usually gained weight after stopped using drugs. I looked at him and I was just so thankful he is doing well despite all that he did to his body.
I remember reading something about the ability of our lungs to heal itself or even other parts of our body once we stop abusing them.

It dawned on me how gracious our body is towards our foolishness.
Why should I be surprised about this?
Our body simply reflects their Creator.
His amazing Grace.

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
Luke twentytwo : 3three-3four

It never complains, but we do need to realize that our body has its limits.
God with his never-ending grace, will not stop pouring His Grace upon us.
But time on Earth does have its end.

Yours?

2010-11-22T09:37:00.000-08:00

I remember a friend gave me a postcard once, it says:

"If you believe in me, and I turn out to be wrong you don't lose anything.

If you believe in me, and I turn out to be right you gain everything."

It sounds flattering at a glimpse, but if I were to sit down and ponder, it isn't as simple as it looks.

"You don't lose anything"

My answer to that is "of course I lose something. My life. My choices."

I won't be able to do certain things that other people do.

Well, sure I can, but it won't be pleasing unto You.

"You don't even own your life, how can you lose something that is not yours."

What if... it is mine?

I make my own choices, my own goals to pursue, do what I want.

"But things don't always turn out the way you want, do they?

Certainly, some things just aren't within my control.

I will adjust, as long as I don't give up, I will get what I aspire.

...

We pitied those who do not have any, gave him something to start with.

He then went and invested with what he had.

Lost it, but you gave another one.

Experiences after experiences, he made it to the top.

Suddenly, he turned his back on you.

Did not wish to have anything with you.

He is his own man now.

I do not need your counsel anymore.

What if nobody gave him something to start with?

...

"Let's rewind your life."

You are not in control from the moment you were conceived.

You didn't even get to choose how you looked like.

Where you would be born.

Your name (sure, you can change it later).

Colour.

Family.

Food.

Blood type.

Bone structure.

You can't even tell your own lung to stop breathing,

neither can you tell your own body not to gain weight.

Where did you get the conclusion that it's yours again?

The fact is that choosing to believe in Him will cost you something, if not everything.

But what you get in return can't and won't even compare to what you can ever imagine.

The truth is everyone MUST choose.

The question is which will you choose?

Psalmtwentytwo:twentysix

2010-11-22T09:28:00.000-08:00

"... they who see the Lord will praise Him..."

The more you seek, the more you find

The more you find, the more you know

The more you know, the more you love

The more you love, the more you worship

The more you worship, the more you glorify

The more you glorify, the more you become

Like Him.

Puzzles.

2010-11-08T00:08:00.001-08:00

You came throwing your puzzles at me.

And I was dying to know you, and still am.

So, I tried my best to put the puzzles together so that I might know you.

The next day you came and threw another puzzle.

Puzzles after puzzles.

Time after time.

You threw them and left.

I showed you a piece of me.

You showed no interest.

Nothing but scorn.

Pieces after pieces.

Then I started holding back.

I got tired.

I told myself not to be.

Arduously.

I am dying to relate to you, but obviously you are not.

And now you wonder why you don't know me.

So, where does this go?

Will you raise your expectations for me?

Or will you choose to end it as it is?

Unspoken words.

Seek His face and not His hand.

I learned it the hard way.

But I fell more in love with You through it all.

"You Christians love people simply because Your God asks you to do so."

2010-11-07T08:49:00.000-08:00

What are you then implying?

That if my God doesn't ask me to love, I wouldn't know how to love?

I guess my answer to that perhaps is yes and no.

Firstly, everybody knows how to love because we are created by God who is love and who loves. Thus, part of our nature is to love. It is easy and perhaps normal to love people who is loveable. So, that would be the 'no' answer.

My 'yes' answer would be based on this verse:

44But I say, love your enemies!^s Pray for those who persecute you!45In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47If you are kind only to your friends,^t how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. 48But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.'

Matthew five : forty-four to forty-eight

My first honest reaction to these verses was "HUH???!! THIS IS ABSURD AND NOT TO MENTION SO HARD!! Maybe I should read it again.."

I personally find it hard if not impossible to love (not to mention to PRAY for them) someone who hates me, who keeps on hurting me.

Or perhaps, it is simply 'irrational' to love a stranger, whom I do not know or doesn't know or care much about me either.

So, if my God, despite all my sins or our sins, still love us unconditionally, why shouldn't I?

Besides, who doesn't want to be loved?

It is just like growing up. Some things you know what's right to do like eating. Then as you grow up, more things are taught to you and that's how people learn. You learn it's good to eat vegetable despite some of them might not taste so good to you. But you eat it because your parents tell you to do so, that it is the right thing to eat. You learn to respect others (I am sure no one knows how to do that hadn't them been taught... :))

Thus, loving strangers or my so-called enemy, might not be something that I naturally do, but I learn to do so and yes because my God teaches me so. And as I walk and obey Him, it is not much of a struggle, and sometimes I need more grace ( and more and more and more).

耶稣。。。

2010-11-07T01:37:00.001-07:00

Today I saw a glimpse of what perseverance could bring.

A hint of wisdom in understanding why God doesn't give up on people.

Interestingly, these few days I have been in love with a song especially the part of the chorus that says about not giving up like how You've loved me.

"让我为你而活

让我为你而站立

永不放弃想你爱我

让我为你前进

我气息是你赎回

如今单单属于你

活出你旨意的生命

改变世界为你转动"

Thank You, O Lord

Surprise.

2010-10-12T15:26:00.000-07:00

I used to be good at it.

What happened?

Have I lost it?

I kept running away despite knowing it was wrong.

Now I am very good at pretending that I still have it.

Maybe I couldn't care less anymore.

To open is to be vulnerable.

And that hurts.

Badly.

Expectation.

What does that even mean anymore?

I kept on lending space to others.

While having my own attic full of junk.

Garage sale might not even do.

One day I might break down.

But who cares?

Nobody should know.

Nobody would know.

Nobody wants to know.

But it's okay.

Even with floods of intelligent reasonings try to carry me away.

I have His robe hanging down low.

Twisting it around my arm that I might not let go.

He might swipe them all in once.

But who knows how He works.

At least I know hope.

He is my hope.

有时候生活停止。。。

2010-10-10T17:24:00.000-07:00

Does heaven mourn and rejoice at the same time?

"When did you feel Christ's love for the very first time?"

2010-08-23T17:43:00.000-07:00

I paused for a while, trying to go through back in time, to my mental archives.
Which story should I say? What's the date? What happened?

I didn't answer the question eventually. Took me too long to remember? Have I forgotten?
No, not at all. I knew exactly and remembered that day very vividly.
But I hesitated to tell in fear of the response of the person.

It was that night when I could no longer pretend to be okay, to have it all together.
I needed to ask the question, "Where are you, God?"
I was a Christian of few weeks or months old, and thought that Christianity was all reading your Bible and go to church.
Sure it wasn't.

Kneeling and bawling I cried out to Him, "Where are You, God?"
I didn't stop, I couldn't stop. I had to meet Him, to know that what I gave my life to was real.
My thomas-eyes were desperate to see Him.

I grew up 'knowing' that God exists. But the question is "Do I believe that He exists?"

That night, I did.

He came to my room. He was so bright I had to close my eyes. Up in my room He came.
I told Him, "God, You are still so far away."
Guess how He responded to my rudeness?

He came down in front of me and hugged me.

Was I hallucinating? Does it matter...to you?
No, it doesn't.
He came and that was all I needed.

A God, whose presence the universe could not even contain, would leave His comfort and throne and came down, contained in a lowly human body, and died in my place.
If that is not how love looks like, I don't know what does.

Till these days, I still tell Him, "Jesus I believe."

Baja Day Dos: Nano Spanish, Twister Handshake and Hammering Away

2010-06-08T18:59:00.000-07:00

junethirdtwentyten

I was awaken by a nightmare at 3.22 A.M. I saw what looked like a community of demons asking us to leave the place. It only encouraged me to go forward even more.

Let's go team Baja!

Today after the superb Mexican breakfast we were given a short word of encouragement by Ps. James. He mentioned briefly about his mission experience and by sharing the love of God he felt that all of a sudden his existence on earth made sense. Ditto.
It took about 45 minutes to reach the building site. It was located somewhere on the country side where we drove through desert hills and you could tell the place was really dry and piles of rubbish were everywhere. It felt like a place of hopelessness.

The joy of the Lord is our strength.

When we reached the place, I wished that I was having a cold or that my sense of smell would refuse to work on that day because the smell was close to unbearable. I was trying to be polite and survived at the same time. Breathing in air little by little and as fast as I could. This was going to be a long day (with multiple o's).

However, you could not help but to smile upon hearing Ps. Hector. He was a local pastor in Baja and I guess a constructor or builder at the same time. He was the one overseeing the building of houses along with Baja Christian Ministries. His witty yet encouraging small speech really lifted my spirit up. Ah~ I wish y'all could hear him speak. Love the accent. :)
Just wing it!
Apparently, the Blue team aka us, was supposed to visit the school today and we were sort of unprepared. The purpose of our visit was to introduce ourselves and play games with them and most importantly, to invite them to our upcoming sports camp! However, we weren't supposed to preach to them, which was fine, now we just needed to be creative.

So, we arrived at the school and it was a pre-school. Just by looking at the environment, I wouldn't have thought that there could be even a hint of inhabitancy furthermore a school. At the school, we could see curious children peeping out of the windows and screaming, trying to get our attention. After a short briefing from the principal and the team leaders, four teams of four went into the classes. My team leader accompanying by a translator was explaining who we were and the reason we came to Mexico, i.e. because we love them and we love Mexico. For real.

The children were generally quiet except for two or three of them who were pretty talkative (well, there would always be a couple of them). And each one of us sat down with them at their small tables and I asked them to draw their families. What I love about these kids was their complete innocence or ignorance as they blurted everything they wanted to say in Spanish even though they knew I couldn't understand them. Yeap nano spanish that was. I tried my best to recall whatever I had learnt from my Spanish class but all I could utter was ola, amigo, amiga, yes, no no? Expert, aye?

However, my creative juice factory started working and I thought of using my dad's Twister Handshake! And yeap it worked! I saw them smiling and suddenly there was no need for words. They later 'introduce' me to their families and that included a perro as well.

Then we hopped to another classroom of the same age (5-6 years old). This time the children were more lively and the quiet ones were the minorities. Still, it was hard to decipher what they were saying. So we did colouring and yeap another Twister Handshake! That really broke the ice and my heart melted when we were about to leave, a boy, named Raja, instead of giving me a high five, he wanted to do the handshake. Mission accomplished! We left with the invitation and also giving out presents to them. LOVE IT!

On our way back to the building site, we saw the Green team in action winning souls through street evangelism and praying for the people. It was amazing! You could see people lingering around the area holding an orange bible and a purple book! Yeap!

Where did the houses come from?

My goodness, when we left the place, the only thing that stood was nada, and when we returned within a couple of hours, the frames were up and parts of the walls! Great job guys!
Lunch at the site was challenging since there were nowhere to sit and Mexican food could be hard to handle (as in holding it or using silverware). But it was muy delicioso!

After lunch, I joined in the building, and let the hammering begin. Imagine, literally building the House of God! How cool was that?! Later in the afternoon, Hector Jr. without hesitation asked some of the ladies to go up the roof and I was scared, I tried to find something else to do, but eventually I went up since he always managed to locate me. Oh my~I felt so surreal and good at the same time. :)

By the end of the day, the walls were up and so was the roof. one of the houses at least.

At the small meeting post yummy dinner, someone testified about how God healed a lady with cracked skull!! Also, the one that encouraged me the most was despite the environment, Mexico or the US, people have the same need. Their facial expressions gave it away. Everyone needs compassion. Everyone is looking for an answer. For hope. For Jesus.

Devo memo: Compassion. Enough said.
As I spent time with God before crashing out, I recalled the times where I sort of hit my thumb about three times during the day. It hurt. And I imagined it must be so painful for a nail to go through His hands and feet. But God told me that what was even more painful was the burden of sin. It was sin that made Jesus cried out, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"
It was the separation from God that hurts the most. Now we have the choice to not have to say those words. It is a love gift. Not a bitter medicine.

Tomorrow, we hit the streets.

Baja Day Uno: Too Busy Looking at You.

2010-06-08T17:21:00.000-07:00

junesecondtwentyten.

So we arrived here in Baja, Mexico safely and smoothly. Everything from transportation, immigration to room assignment was complete highway. I would definitely say that Faith and Grace were my tokens to get here. My faith was challenged and stretched and I was shaken a couple of times but as always God brought me through. If there's one thing I learnt about faith was that it's about believing that God will be God and not about telling Him what to do and hope for that to happen. He isn't a genie or Santa Clause you know. :)

I personally have two goals in mind, selfish ones I have to say, which are to encounter God and to rid me of myself.

Anyway

As we crossed the border, we had a powerful sermon playing (yeap that was our ambiance music) which kept everyone silent and helped us to immerse ourselves on the reason why we were here. It's about Jesus. It's about spreading the Gospel. It's about the people of Mexico who need to hear it. It is always gonna be about GOD.

I saw rusty corrugated roofs as the sun rays tapped gracefully on them as if God was playing some heavenly symphony, telling His people that it's gonna be alright. There were different coloured houses of different heights and shapes scattered along the coast. The majestic sun splashed its last orange paint on the gloomy sky, reminding earthlings that he shall be back tomorrow. on time.
It was a beautiful evening in Baja.

What an honour and a privilege to be a part of God's doing in other people's lives.

My sinful thoughts came creeping in real soon, tempting me to compare myself with others but God's grace was so so so overwhelming that I needed no effort to close my mental door on them because my favourite show was on. His show.

The apartment and first meal were amazing.

Later at night we had our first sort of orientation meeting with the whole team although not all were present due to flight delays. People came from different backgrounds, to some this was their first mission trip and to others they just had to come back for more!

Oh I wish

But the one that captured me the most was this young teenage boy who stood up and introduced himself and gave a little reason why he came. He said he simply loves Jesus and didn't care what others have to say about him doing things for God. Oh my heart cracked a little bit. I wished my brother would love God the same way. Praying for you bro. One day... one day...you shall encounter Him and have your life changed forever.

We were introduced to some of the key leaders and how one of them gave up his job to build houses for God. Wow.

Pastor aka Baja Bob Sanders closed us with a story. It was about how a little boy upon seeing many starfish carried to the beach by the waves and if he didn't bring them back to the water, they would die. So he started picking up one by one and threw them back to the sea. An aged man saw and hence confronted the little boy. He asked him whether he knew that there were hundreds and thousands of starfish along the coast and it made no difference for him to do so. The little boy looked at the old man in the eye, picked up a starfish and said, "It makes a difference for this one." And he threw the starfish back to the sea. And this one... and this one....

There are many people out there to be reached. The team would not be able to reach all of them. I certainly couldn't. But the ones that we did reach out to, it made a difference in their lives here on earth and in heaven as there is a huge celebration up there when even a soul comes back to God.

"Impact a life, rather than trying to reach all of them".

Devo memo: Faith pleases God. As we launch tomorrow, let's put up a HUGE shield of FAITH. Let's dare to believe God for BIG things. Let's pray a dangerous prayer.

off to bed. zzz....

it does hurt.

2010-04-25T19:04:00.000-07:00

Perhaps one of the reasons I don't really give in myself to someone is that I don't think I have the courage to face goodbyes.
It was one of those feelings, deep feeling of loneliness, came crawling, piercing right through the core of my heart upon saying goodbye. Like those moments when parents came for a visit and then they had to leave after about 2 weeks. When cousins from abroad came for a holiday and then had to depart when we had finally got to know each other better. When a friend just a few hours ago came over to do some studying together but we ended up having fun (yes, sometimes studying isn't fun) like strumming the guitar instead. Moments that will stick forever in my mind. But now we had to say goodbye.

Perhaps all these made me aware of others who might feel lonely.

Dear God,

Have You ever felt lonely?
Did it not hurt when I kept saying that I gave You my all and ended up holding back?
I might never fully know how You felt, the pain in Your heart when Your children chose not to go back to You.
But today I had a glimpse of it.
And I am sorry.

My Haughty Faith.

2010-04-25T15:22:00.001-07:00

Walking with head held high, I was determined that I was gonna have faith this time; yes the one that shall last until the end. I was proud of myself.

Until 3 days ago. I was so blinded, while my right hand was up in the air in the posture of surrendering, my left one was still clinging to the rope, the safety rope.

Ah, who said it was easy to have faith? Despite being a Christian for almost 6 years now, I still fell for the same thing.

But I thank You that You're not easily swayed. In fact, You will never change.

I guess I'd never know that You are all I need until I realize that You are all that I have.

O Lord, I am ready to let go, and now both of my hands are up in the air.

Because the Sovereign Lord helps me,

I will not be disgraced.

Therefore, have I set my face like flint,

and I know I will not be put to shame

(Isa 50:7).

I trust You, O Lord, on who You are. I know You can and now I choose to believe that You are willing, too.

Perhaps only a wishful thinking

2010-03-25T19:01:00.000-07:00

Oh, how I wish that you would call just to seek how I am doing, not to ask me of something.

Don't you know that I want your attention, too? Am I not part of you like the rest?

I am tempted to say that it's okay, but i guess it's okay...

Do It Afraid.

2010-03-20T16:52:00.000-07:00

"God is not looking for someone great, He is looking for someone who is willing (so may great things be done through him / her)".

This came when I felt so overwhelmed with fear just to make phone calls. (justbeinghonesthereyouknow)

'Pillar' of cloud.

2010-02-10T00:10:00.000-08:00

As I walked home today, I thought of the Lord, and so I looked up to the sky and saw a group of cloud on my zenith.

Indeed, O Lord, You are always right here with me.

New Year in Solitude

2010-01-01T14:53:00.000-08:00

I personally enjoy being alone, hence I rejected all invitations to welcome the new 2010 year with friends and their families. Thank you so much for inviting though.

Am I a loner? Perhaps it is so. But, I guess this year I chose to spend it with the One who matters to me the most, the One who was there through my lonely days here in the States (those nights filled with tears), the One who understands the way I think, the way I do things, the One who cares the most.
I could say it was the best so far I had here in the States.

One thing that I am most thankful for would be the international club with all the international students and of course not forgetting the people who invest their time and effort to cater us the international students. You guys are my answered prayer!

Welcome 2010. Great things shall come out of you.

Have you had one of those moments...

2009-12-07T14:39:00.000-08:00

.. where you had this great song playing in your mind and you were just walking on campus decorated with withered trees and falling orange leaves indicating that autumn had arrived, and the sky was gray, the air was cold and you felt you were in a movie, and as you deeply inhaled the fresh air, the music stopped abruptly and the beautiful scene turned into a silly anime where you went berserk because the air you breathed in was someone else's smoke and then you realized your lungs' lifespan had been shortened drastically and you felt like beating the guy who smoked while passing by you just a couple seconds ago?

People should stop smoking.

The Days When I Found Out that I Am Actually Normal

2009-08-20T11:07:00.001-07:00

Have you any one of those days when you found out that you are just like everybody else aka normal?

I have had my share of those. One of them would be the oily face incident. So, if you have an oily face like mine, you might have experienced this before as well. You know like when the oil gets into your eyes.. gosh the pain.. unbearable, even after rinsing it with water (well, since both don't mix together). YEAP! I thought I am the only one with that problem until a friend of mine complained about it as well.

A more recent one when we had a 'Mission' class at church. So, I have this habit of whenever I fold my hands, I would stick out my index finger, left index finger. And I thought I was weird, or perhaps if you like 'Unique', until I saw this guy on the class did the same thing.

Well.. I am not weird after all. sigh*

p.s: now i stick both my index and middle fingers, and i shall see if anyone else does it as well. :)

Have you any?

The Power of A Thought.

2009-07-27T14:01:00.000-07:00

I was happily ironing my clothes the other day when my mind went on its own venture as usual. Then it came up with, well a usual thought like any other normal person would think whenever he/she is ironing. I was imagining myself ironing somebody else's clothes and well, I burnt it. I chuckled upon that thought, visualizing myself being panic and what not. A few milliseconds later, I lifted my iron only to catch a glimpse of a black-coloured cloth stuck on it; and a hole, a black hole appeared on my favourite shirt.

Watch your thoughts!

p.s: sorry sis, I burnt the nice shirt you bought for me. -__-''

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. ::philippiansfour23::

Though I have not seen Him, my heart knows Him well.

2009-07-13T10:56:00.000-07:00

I knelt and asked the Lord again, "Who are You, O Lord?"

In today's world with vast internet connectivity, knowing somebody is but a page of Wikipedia. If I wish to know about Donald Duck, all I have to do is to 'google' him. From there, I would know about his birth, hobby/-ies, favourite food and maybe his cranky personality. But will I ever know the reason why he is the way he is? Why he functions so crankily?

I can 'google' God or even scrutinized the Bible to know what God is like, His Names, His deeds, ... But will I ever come to know who He really is? If I won't then I believe I will never be able to worship Him for who He really is, either.

"Who are You, O Lord?"

Nothing came in reply as I waited on Him.

Until yesterday, somehow when a brother was sharing his testimony on the recent Baja, Mexico mission trip, the Lord answered me.

Many of us believe that poverty should be history or that human trafficking is wrong, but what do we do about it?
After 5 years of life walking with the Lord, I have come to know that one of the many ways of knowing Him is by doing the things that He loves, the right things (might not be a popular things though).
Just like if your mom loves a particular food, in order for you to really know why she loves it much is by tasting it or if your wife loves gardening, in order for you to know why is by try gardening.

Well, I hope you sort of understand what I am trying to say here. (writing well is indeed a skill I have yet to attain, especially in English).

As Brooke Fraser's (Ligertwood's) Soon echoes it,
"Though I have not seen Him, my heart knows Him well."

ps: this song is actually the one that started me to question whether my heart really knows Him.
and I am so excited for United's Encounter this coming August.

Revolution '09

2009-05-25T20:46:00.000-07:00

There you go Revolution'09 was remarkable! Those of you who missed it, well.. you missed it. =D All I could say is that Revolution'09 was definitely one of the most memorable, life-changing highlight in my life. And I believe it wasn't just mine, but hundreds of young people whose lives were changed when they made the bold decision to follow Christ.
I honestly didn't know what to expect from this event, I mean I was comparing it to some other great conferences I had attended and well, I didn't expect to have my own life changed.

Here are some of the things that changed my life:
1. Ownership.
So our amazing youth service group called ONE had its own personal lounge/tent/booth (and yes I chose the word 'lounge' because we had like 4 couches and 2 director's chairs and a flat LCD screen hung on the wall and what not) and we were supposed to introduce and invite people to come and check us out.
Me, as usual, being not-so-good-in-terms-of-human-relations I didn't promote ONE as if I was part of it (I mean I still tried to fit in). But when I heard one of the teenagers promoting it with such excitement and I could say not ashamed of it, I felt as if a thunder slap just hit me right on the face. So yeah young people out there, I would like to proudly invite you to our very own youth service ONE, every Sunday night at 6 p.m right here at Studio City.

2. God's opinion is the only one that matters.
Being human aka social being, others' opinions might sometimes be the one that drive us. How we look, what we're saying, doing, watching, thinking, etc... But other people's opinions change like the breeze at the beach, sometimes it's terribly pleasant but most of the time it's hey-don't-blow-my-blanket-away kind of wind.
Being someone who doesn't talk a lot to people, I have the advantage of observing people. On the first night, while watching a local band performing, I noticed a couple of young people were just dancing to the beat, and they didn't care if people were to laugh at them or whatever. I stood there thinking to myself whether I would be daring enough to do that.
I guess it takes courage and confidence and the security of who you are (IN CHRIST) to do so. (and well, you might have a different take on this, which is fine).

3. You can make a difference with one life at a time.
There were lots of non-profit, humanitarian organizations present during the event and one of my favourites is World Vision which was there, too. I believe most people didn't do anything simply because they are not aware of what is going on outside their country or even their home. We are so focused on our own selves that we forget others who not only are suffering but are literally dying. There was this little presentation board by World Vision and they had this little jug of water which kids in Africa have to carry everyday and I tell you it was heavier than my luggage coming here.
So, go out there, do some mission trips or visit www.worldvision.org to help make a difference in somebody else's life.

3. ROCK WHAT YOU GOT!

People of planet Earth, I present you SUPERCHICK! (used to be Superchic[k]). Their latest album "Rock What You Got" is a must buy, must listen to, must keep, must share, must be everywhere, anywhere, anytime and everytime.
I read couple of their interviews and the highlight on this album was that you not only believe with the gifts and talents you have but to ROCK them, to do more, to infinity and beyond! Coz nobody can rock the way you rock. Check them out here.

Having to mention all of the above, if none makes sense to you, one thing and only one thing I dearly hope you to remember: none of the above matters unless you have a personal relationship with God, which matters the most.

God loves you and He wants to be your closest friend and you can definitely count on Him.

Swine Flu.

2009-04-30T22:16:00.000-07:00

And yes like we all have known, Swine Flu is the current big superstar. Whenever somebody sneezes, Swine Flu's name is mentioned. While it is deadly, it can be prevented. And nope I am not gonna post anything here coz you can definitely google it and BAM! the entire page on the preventive measures for it.

However though, I heard wind of perhaps could be used to heal those who have been infected, by drinking lots of ORS (Oral Re-hydration Solution) which is basically salt, sugar and water solution. Well, I guess there's no harm in trying that, perhaps it can cool the fever down. Yes / No?

Anyway, take care all and prayers to those who have been infected.

My Dear Favourite PTs.

2009-04-05T14:02:00.001-07:00

Dearest PTs,

You girls are awesome. Thank you so much for your time and effort to make my knee better. I really do enjoyed every single session with you both; Thursday became my most favourite day of the week because of you both. I wish you both all the best with your graduation. See you around.. most probably online =D.

To Cristie and Courtney,
"Whatever you say Boss"

Thank you. God bless you.

Me, Myself and only I

2009-03-31T09:19:00.000-07:00

Been here for almost 9 months now I could now notice what someone once said about this city. Perhaps not only this city but other places, too.
I, indeed, noticed so much 'SELF' being projected everywhere. So much 'I' in every sentence. The want to be noticed, to be praised, to be acknowledged, to be known, to be looked up to,...
'I' can do this, 'I' want to do that, 'I' am like that, 'I' don't do this, 'I' know how to do that,... (even when no one is asking).
Every single deed is done with a 'self' motive. Even good little deeds which were once meant to be done in secret. When pride became the backbone of self-confidence.
The question is have I become one of those?

Sing-A-Long

2009-03-31T09:15:00.001-07:00

Last night as I bowed my head to sing praises unto the Lord accompanied by a familiar worship song from my iPod, I noticed something that I had never noticed before. The sound of the backup singers singing along with the lead singer... Ah for that moment I imagined them as angels singing along to worship the Lord. Oh how my soul longs for Him~

ME vs who?

2009-02-14T16:33:00.001-08:00

Comparison, indeed... Don't you hate when people compare you with someone else? especially when you're the 2nd best aka nuh not good enough... But the worst is when you yourself is the one that keeps comparing thy own with the others.
We always sing the song about how incomparable God is. Really? Perhaps it's because there's no one else like Him. Well, the same thing goes with us. None of us is created the same. There's only one "ME" in this world, and no one does a better job being "ME" then I do. (and yeap you may change the word "ME" to "YOU").

Guess the next time I find myself comparing with other people i just need to remember that the other person is NOT "ME"! hence, not fair game.

and that needs time and lots lots of grace...

Hang That Jersey and Be A Spectator For A Moment.

2009-02-13T09:46:00.000-08:00

Colossians 4 : 2

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."

Everybody rather to be a player in a game than a spectator. More likely to get attention or be famous, I suppose. Perhaps, it never occurred to them the importance of being a spectator.

Firstly, a spectator can be the best player in mind. A spectator sees the game in a bigger picture. Able to decipher the strategy of both teams, and most of the time knows what's the best move to take.

"Oh no! Wrong way!" "Pass the ball!" "Run to your left side!" and you know the rest as you watched those football games.

Paul asked us to devote ourselves to prayer. But why? Prayer can be tiring and it seems like it does no benefit compares to doing things.

By praying you stop being a player on the field and climb up the stairs of the stadium and become a spectator.

You now see your life and surroundings in a bigger picture. You are being watchful. Being sensitive. Thus, able to judge more soundly. You're not being a player under pressure to make hasty decisions.

I, by no means, am saying that we're not supposed to be a player and making things happen. But every athlete or player was a spectator before (and they still are).

So, in conclusion, go pray.

A friend.

2009-02-08T21:19:00.000-08:00

I have always enjoyed being alone. Do I really need a friend? I think I can live without a friend. That was truth to me until yesterday.
My sister needs to find a hotel in Jakarta to sit for a test. She has no idea how to look for one. I, immediately went to Facebook and asked one of my friends whom I have not been in contact for quite some time. Strange isn't it? She replied swiftly as if we were as close as before. I guess I could use some friends. or perhaps, someone could use me as a friend.

Now I understand why Jesus felt the need to mention that we are now His friends. Go and make some friends, especially to those who are yet to gather some courage to do so.

Charcoal.

2009-02-03T12:05:00.000-08:00

just thought of posting some of my artworks. i personally like this a lot. i used charcoal and well. that was all i guess (unless you're talking about eraser and stuff). i need to draw or paint more. hmm.

Little Insignificant Things.

2009-01-31T22:48:00.000-08:00

I wrote this post immediately after reading my sis' blog. There she mentioned about the little letter I wrote to her a couple years back. God spoke to her through my little insignificant letter. I guess no matter how small or how insignificant your deed is, the Almighty God can just turns it to the most impacting deed to another person.

I guess let's not stop doing the small little good deed.
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Gal 6:9

Right and wrong.

2009-01-31T22:30:00.000-08:00

"Hate the sin, but love the sinner"

That statement had never made sense to me after being a believer for about 3 years. It just doesn't make sense. How can you love the person who does things that you hate which eventually making you hate him/her?
It only took me a brief moment of 'selah'. A moment of putting aside everything I know about the person, and just looked at the person with a fresh empty page with no whatsoever description be it good or bad about the person. I saw an innocent being who is yet to find out more about right and wrong.

I guess that is how God looks at us most of the time, despite the ugly things we did or even going to do which deserve His hatred. A mortal who is yet to find out more about right and wrong.

Why?

2009-01-31T22:25:00.000-08:00

I have just finished watching a TV series and in one of the episodes it featured a kid who was dying. He asked the doctors to help him pick the best vacation wish before he died. It made me think why we only give the best when someone is dying. Why not give it when he's fine and healthy. Why do we value life more when we're about to lose it? Why do we tend to take things or people for granted?

Lesson 2: When it is still about ME.

2009-01-12T11:56:00.000-08:00

Ever feel like God is just silent while you're crying out loud to Him? I'm sure you're nodding right now. While you're familiar with these responds "when God is silent, doesn't mean that He is not there" or "if God is silent doesn't mean that it's a no", I totally agree with those. Perhaps a new perspective on this familiar phenomena.
Learning from lesson 1, I realized that God was actually shouting out loud back at me lots of time. I heard it loud and clear, but just didn't recognize that it was Him. I was still all about ME. I wanted to hear what I wanted to hear. The Bible says about how wisdom is crying out loud to us, but we ignored her most of the time. 3, I should call it sub-lessons from lesson 2:

1. Perhaps God's silence reflects Him being silenced in your life. Have you been ignoring God instead? or perhaps put Him to silent mode? Like I said, are your ears only open to things you want to hear? Do you actually want to hear from Him? God might not be shouting, but He is speaking. Try shutting your mouth and let Him be loud.

2. Faith is not about feeling. While feeling helps, feeling sometimes if not most of the time doesn't help either. When someone calls you, you do not feel it but you hear it, then you respond. The same thing, when God speaks don't expect to feel it, but listen and let wisdom and not emotion responds to it.

3. Accept the fact that it is NOT about you. Until you come to realize that your life is not about you, even a talking donkey won't surprise you.

I guess when it is still all about ME, I might as well stop living (since it'll be a miserable one anyway, if not pathetic).

Lesson 1: It's all about ME.

2009-01-12T11:16:00.000-08:00

This winter break God gave me again yet a life-changing wonderful Christmas present, and yes while we all believe that Jesus still IS the greatest gift ever, my present this time was lessons. Lessons that will slowly change who I am today to be more and more like Him. Since I received not only one lesson, I shall break it down into separate posts. This also serves as a way not to bore you with long entry. Besides, I really need to start practicing my writing skill anyway.

So, lesson 1: It's all about ME.

Recently, I am struggling with the thought of changing my major. For those uninformed ones, I am currently pursuing my bachelor degree at California State University, Northridge in Animation and Visual Arts. I was a science major back in my high school and have always been in love with science, Chemistry especially. Now, if you were to ask me why pursuing a major in Art I would not be able to give you the answer until today, but nonetheless, that is not the point of the post.
So, my first semester at CSUN just ended and I couldn't ask for better results, except for my animation class. I wonder why. Throughout the semester, I had been dreading to the class. I guess I could say that I hated the class. No, the professor was amazing. The problem was with ME. I just didn't think that I could do it. Hence, little effort was put in my projects, and mostly were the last minute ones. I then started to question if I really want to do this for life.

Hence, I started going around. Asking questions to people. Looking out for other majors that might interest me. God was the first one I went to (not going to repeat the same old mistake).

"God! Please help me.

I can't see myself doing this anymore!
I don't like this. I can't excel in this.
God, isn't this about me doing something for you, right?
I don't want to depend on people's help.
I want to be able to be independent,
to be able to do something for You!"

As I said this prayer over and over again, I realized what my prayer had been all about. About ME! Througout those days I was moody, anxious, worried all the time.

I guess when my life is all about ME, it's a miserable one. Pathetic if not. How's yours?

3:16

2007-09-30T01:26:00.000-07:00

It was late and I was creeping onto my bed (yeah I kinda sleep on the floor) when I checked my phone to know the time. It was 3:16 a.m which reminds me of Max Lucado's latest book, "3:16, The Numbers Of Hope". "Ahh...just what I needed to keep on believing.... Thank You Jesus," I told Him.

I Don't Know. He Knows.

2007-08-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

Kneeling as I crept to my bed, I stopped and said my goodnight-prayer and I just felt that I needed to open up the famous Jeremiah 29:11 and for the first time, I saw it from a totally different perspective.

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

It really struck me, as someone who is going through the i-don't-know season, when I saw that two words "I KNOW" declared by the Lord, I fell flat to my face and for the first time I realized I've been looking at the wrong direction which is myself and what I can do and what I should do instead of trusting that He knows even though I don't. How blind I had been all this while. He got my back and even goes before me. What else could have caused me to worry? Who cares if I don't know, He knows!

"Forgive me for being so blind, O Lord."

Don't Think God. Get To Know Him.

2007-08-21T02:51:00.001-07:00

This memory struck me while I was on the plane for a business trip to Singapore a few weeks ago and it came with a message with it.

When I was a kid, I always told myself that whenever I got the chance to fly, I would open the aircraft window and grab as many clouds as I could. At the age of 7, part of the dream came true, but to my disappointment, I somehow couldn't open the window, hence my name isn't written on the Guinness Book Of Records as the first kid who caught a cloud (no wonder we're still catching a cold).

So anyway, I didn't know about pressure thing and whatsoever explanation back then. I simply thought that my imagination was the truth. I got all my plans worked out, how I would throw tantrums so that I could get the window seat and etc. But, guess heaven didn't think I could handle some fame yet....kidding..

Same with my walk with God, there are times, especially "bad-times" when I would think that God must hated me now or He didn't love me anymore or guess He couldn't take my behaviour or whatever wrong thoughts about God you can think of, which of course, is totally a LIE.

So, what I learnt is that next time I won't try to think God, I'll just get to know who He really is and despite how the circumstances might be, He doesn't change, be it His love, His mercy, faithfulness and ..........you may continue this whenever you discover new things about Him.

Taking A Break Doesn't Mean You're Weak.

2007-05-24T16:45:00.000-07:00

I went jogging the other day, and not really to my surprise, for the fact that it has been years since I really exercised, I had only a drop in the bucket of stamina left. Imagine a badminton player, a runner back in school is out of stamina.

It hadn't even reached one round of the football field and there I was panting, and it "crushed" me evenmore when two older aunties and an uncle overran me. Argh!!! What a shame, Gosh where am I gonna hide my face, Oh crap! Do they know me?...and other thoughts you can think of.

But then, another thought immediately distracted me. "Hey, try linking your running stamina with your faith" Hmm, guess you've read a blog of sort somewhere, sometime before; but I'll write this anyway.

So, I was thinking and running and talking with my sister at the same time, but then I left her by few feet, hence I could actually think =D. Like I mentioned before, it has been Y.E.A.R.S since I really exercised and to reach the same level of stamina, it's gonna costs us let's see time, couple of motivations, time, efforts, time, disciplines, time, hardworks, time, ipod, time, couple of muscle cramps, time.... and the next thing you know, you're another Forrest Gump, running across the country =D.

What I simply mean is that it takes time + other things. Like our faith, you can't and won't be Abraham overnight, such a man of faith, it took him 25 years ! For Joseph, it cost him, being sold as slave by his own brothers, false accusation, spending time with rats inside a cell, forgotten; compare to my running, I rather not complain.

So as with life there'll be times when you're tired and you just need to catch a breath, that doesn't mean you're weak, you're just catching a breath! It doesn't mean if someone overrun you means you're slow or incapable, that's what exercise is for. One goal at a time, but make sure it's longer than the previous, stretch it.

Oh one more incident that I encounter which is not written for your judgement since it's kinda subjective. When I was running and had my eyes focused on the certain distance that I want to reach without stopping, I saw couple of boys were playing soccer and it happened that one of them kicked the ball too far and it came near me. Everyone was expecting me to kick, even I was asking myself, should I or should I not. It sounded mean since I chose not to ( heard one boy cursed on me haha), but hey, I am focused and determined not to stop in order to reach my goal. Same thing with life, there'll be distractions, and mind you not to be distracted because you wanna please someone and hence lose focus and so as your goal(you might end up playing soccer instead). Ok, that's all. =D

*gosh I need to spend time blogging, my writing and storytelling skill sucks.

SOS

2007-04-29T19:05:00.000-07:00

Knock knock God,
it's me out here.
Losing my way,
have nowhere else to go.
Others are asleep,
how can I bother them.
Still waiting here God,
I know You gonna open the door.
But please hurry,
coz I'm freezing already.

Gulp gulp God,
it's me down here.
Drowning.
Holding my breath is all I know to do.
Others are learning to swim too,
how can they rescue me.
Still waiting here God,
I know You gonna pull me up.
But please hurry,
coz I'm turning blue already.

Ring ring God,
it's me in here.
I'm trapped and scared.
No idea what to do.
Others are looking for their keys too,
how can I burden them.
Still waiting here God.
I believe You gonna come.
Just be hurry God,
coz he is stealing, killing and destroying.
Next might be me.

But even if You don't come,
I'll still believe.

What Are You Talking, God?

2007-04-26T18:37:00.000-07:00

Ever been in a position where you knew that it was God's voice and still doubt about the thing that He asked you to do because it didn't make sense or He asked you to do some 'weird' thing?
Well, indeed our God has never ever changed. If it is happening to you and me now, it already happened thousands of years ago.

So here again still our main character, Mr. Jeremiah, who prophesied 'bad' things that was going to happen to Israel and Judah (and that too almost cost his life). Anyway, Jeremiah was imprisoned by Zedekiah king of Judah who asked him, "Why do you prophesy as you do?" (a bit of info here, God asked Jeremiah to tell them that He was about to hand over Jerusalem to Babylon,etc)

There are times in our lives where people question the decision that we make, people question our faith, what we stand up for, or why do we care for this kind of thing; and still there are times as well where those questions become our question to God, we start to doubt. The same with Mr. Jeremiah here, before he decided to prophesy the truth despite knowing that he was risking his life, he doubted too. (Hence, do not feel so bad that you ever doubted, it is very human indeed, but what matters is what you do about it).

So before that, God spoke to Jeremiah, "Hey, Jeremiah, tell you something. Your uncle is coming here to ask you to buy his land since you are his relative so it is your right and duty to buy it" and right after God told him that, his uncle came and asked him to do so, with the same reason. "I knew that this was the word of the Lord, so I bought the field", said Jeremiah. This might already gotten Jeremiah into deep thinking since the city was about to be destroyed by Babylon, so why bother buy a land there, not so a wise investment I reckon. Jeremiah hence passed the first "trust-me" test. He signed and sealed the deed, had it witnessed and then God asked him to put all the documents of the purchase and put them in a clay jar so they would last a long time. Again, this didn't really make sense, first he was asked to buy a field in a land that was about to be destroyed, and then he was asked to keep the documents for a long time. He had no idea what to do about it. Hence, he prayed to God.

In his prayer, he first praised God for who He is, a god who knows what He is doing, and then humbly asked about the purchase. In the same way, God replied by first mentioning what Israel and Judah had done against Him, that He was going to destroy the land and handed them over to the enemy. Then, He continued that after all that was done, He would bring them back again to their own land and bless them even more, and that He would rejoice in doing them good and the fields would be bought for silver and deeds because God would restore their fortune. Not a good investor God you think? Then think again. =D

So to sum it up, first thing first, do you have the Spirit of God with you, do you know the God you're serving, do you spend enough time looking for Him, do you recognise His voice that when people question about what you do and what you believe, you won't be shaken? Second thing, after hearing Him and knowing that it was Him, do you do what He asked you to do or you rather risk losing all the good things that He has prepared for you, be it prosperity or even your purpose. Imagine, if Jeremiah hadn't bought the field, he might not have a place to stay later on or he might have just lost a very good deal. Jeremiah said that he knew it was the word of God, so he obeyed it. Lastly, when he doubted, he ran back to the One whom he trusted. When you doubt, don't go around asking other people before seeking Him, since He was the one who commanded you.

When you have done this, I believe nothing could stop you to do what you are called to do, to stand for what you believe in, to be the light in this dark world, to speak up for those who can't speak up for themselves. One thing that I want to leave you with, have the right thought about God first, He is a God who only knows how to do good. =D

Scripture reference: Jeremiah 32.

A Letter to the Exiles

2007-04-22T18:26:00.000-07:00

As what the title says, Jeremiah 29:4-14 is what it's all about. Basically it is a letter to the Israelites whom God has sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon, of course God didn't do that without a purpose. Their sin were so much and for the fact that they didn't want to hear all the prophets whom God has sent to them again and again (mind you, there were some false prophets whom God had never sent). Still, they didn't want to listen or turn away from their wicked and evil ways. Our God, is a just God, hence He couldn't let them go unpunished.

Exile simply means to be expelled from home or country by authority and of course it is indeed a form of punishment. The same in our daily lives, there are lots of times where are sent to the exile, which simply means to be sent out of our comfort zone, where you don' feel God's presence so much, where faith is the minority and fear or insecurity are the one that seems to 'enslave' us. Before we question God's decision on this, let's hear what He has to say in His letter...

Jeremiah 29:4-14

v5 "Build houses and settle down, plant gardens and eat what they produce"
First thing to do is that you need to settle down, I'm not saying about being conformed with the condition but simply embrace it instead of rebelling and mourning about why such thing is happening to you. Now, that you are in that environment, study about it, observe it, what kind of situation you're going through, what brought you there?

v6 "Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease."
Second thing is that after recognising and submit to God's decision, you need to know to survive you need to increase. Again, I'm not talking about your carnal man increases instead of God in that point of view, but since faith is the minority, you need to increase your faith even more in God so that the majorities such as fears and etc won't crush you down. No strength you say? Jeremiah 24:6 says My eyes will watch over them for their good... " Indeed, even though we're in exile, God is still there with us, to watch over us and one day will lead us out of there.

v7 "Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city of which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.
The next thing to do is to seek for the prosperity of the city, to look for the good of what the situation can bring to you. You may use those time to learn to surrender to God, to practise to stretch your faith muscle, to strengthen your foundation in Him, to simply seek Him, to learn to put Him first in your priority list, and many more. There are so many good things that can come out of that.
Like what Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him..." even your so-called bad situation, He can turn it around to be something good for you. And to be able to see that you need to see your situation through His eyes, to be in one mind with God. How to do that?

Again Romans 12:2 says "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..."
Every time God brings His people into exile, it is always a journey of being transformed, firstly by dying to self, to sin and once it's destroyed, God will then restore, build us on the right foundation, turning back to Him. Renew your mind, especially on what you think about God and also about your identity in Christ.

Then it went on by asking us to pray for the situation. This teaches us to rely on God, to pray for the situation, not to end it quickly but simply that good things can birth out of that situation, hence you may be good too. Another point of view is that so you may overcome it, may have victory over it. New fruits will be seen, to help those who are in the same situation and many more ways on how God can use you and your situation for good things. So pray for it.

v8 "..Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you..." V9 "They are prophesying lies to you in my name, I have not sent them..."
Since faith is the minority, the enemy will use many ways to make sure we won't overcome the situation, after all what he desires is only to steal, kill and destroy. Watch out for false voices, false doctrine, which explains why God asks us to pray. Have someone preferably your leader to keep you accountable . Remember, two is better than one.

And of course, v11 "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" concludes everything. We are in the exile because of your sin, we see it as a punishment, as something bad, but our God is a good god, He sees it as a discipline that will make us stronger, closer to Him, something for our good, something to prosper us.

So, now that you know what God has to say about His motive, still want to stick to your own wrong thoughts?

Man of the House?

2007-04-19T23:03:00.000-07:00

According to the survey, if the father of a house is a godly man, 75% chance that the whole family would be a God-loving people too, but only 23% would turn out the same if the mother is the only one who loves God.

It does sound like bias in a way, but I guess that is how God has intended it to be, for men to lead. One simple example is that the identity of a child is determined by the type of chromosome that the sperm is carrying and of course reaches the egg first, and not the egg from the woman's side.

When I heard this, I started to doubt that whether we could still make a difference in our families since there isn't any man in my family who knows God yet. The same reaction could be seen in both of my sisters' face when I shared this to them during the premier of our corporate intercession (which had been postponed for quite some time =D). Before that, I asked God for a word to be kinda the theme for our prayer meeting, and here it is

Jeremiah 27:18
"If they were prophets and have the word of the Lord, let them plead with the Lord Almighty..."

I realized that after all this time, my sisters and I had been relying on our own strength, own ideas, own understanding, own effort in the mission of bringing the Gospel to our families and of course, it didn't bring forth the desired fruits.The seeds were easily snatched, deception came in like a flood,knees bow down to idols; indeed without God, who are we? We aren't invincible to the enemies, but more vulnerable. Hence, when all hope is gone, we are back on knocking on heaven's door, pleading with the Lord Almighty. Asking for forgiveness was how I opened our prayers, that seeking Him should have been our first decision, first idea, first thought. It is time to come back to the heart of a child who always looks for the parents for shelter the moment danger is sensed.

Still, the so-what-are-we-going-to-do-since-there-is-no-man look from the survey remained in my sisters' face, hence this scripture says it all...

Matthew 18:19-20,
"Again I tell you if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather together in my name, there am I with them.

See to it that it doesn't say two or three men, hence we could still make a difference indeed. After all, Jesus is the man!